


birds need a reason to sing

by rowanshand



Category: Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-07
Updated: 2018-04-07
Packaged: 2019-04-19 11:38:16
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 890
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14236464
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rowanshand/pseuds/rowanshand
Summary: If Alec were being honest with himself, he’d admit to thinking about the day they met more than he should. He can still remember every detail of it like it was yesterday. What Magnus was wearing. How he looked as he defended himself against a Circle member. They are stamps on his brain, moments in time Alec could never possibly forget. Because everything is better with Magnus. Magnus makes Alec better.





	birds need a reason to sing

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer: Nothing you recognize belongs to me. All mistakes are my own.

After a particularly long day, Alec and Magnus lay in bed, their legs tangled together. It’s past midnight and Magnus is already asleep. He fell asleep hours ago, exhausted from a day of meetings and tending to his unique responsibilities. His bedsheets are pulled up over his shoulders, his hair widely sprawled about on the pillow his head rests on. He looks like the most comfortable and peaceful person in the world, as though everything that could possibly bother him has washed away, nothing more than an afterthought now. The bedroom is completely dark around them, only a glow from the cityscape streaming in through the blinds. Since it is New York, the world outside is anything but quiet. Alec can hear airplanes pass every few minutes and car horns honking. He’s tired but can’t seem to fall asleep. His body aches, having been beat up during a mission earlier today. To mark the experience, there’s a rather large bruise on his ribs, matching another on his hip. Alec would never admit to just much they actually hurt. 

It’s late and he knows he needs to sleep, but Alec just can’t seem to shut his damn brain off. Even though his body hurts, his mind clearly isn’t aware of the time. And, for some reason, all Alec can seem to wonder about is what his life might have looked like if he and Magnus never met. 

The thought isn’t pleasant, but it is interesting. 

Alec hates to even consider the possibility, to imagine a world where something like that happened, where Alec never had the chance to know the man he loves. Before Magnus, he was living a lie, keeping a huge piece of himself tucked away, hidden from the world. As a soldier, shaped and trained by the rules and guidelines the Clave outlined, Alec was in constant fear of backlash and judgment. He was afraid of what his parents would think, of how his romantic interests might impact their family name. As a Lightwood, there is a reputation to maintain. Because of this daunting responsibility, Alec has never been allowed certain liberties. He doesn’t get to act recklessly. He’s been forced to be smarter than that. One false move and it wouldn’t just be him who paid the price. Izzy and Jace and Max. His parents. If he screwed up, all of them would answer for his mistakes. Alec couldn’t let that happen. For as long as he could remember, he has taken care of others, taken on their problems, so that they never had to feel the weight of them. 

Beside him, Magnus shifts and rolls over to lay on his stomach. Eventually, he settles. On the other side of the bed, Alec is on his back, sheets pulled up to his chest, hands interlocked over them. He stares up at the ceiling and counts the rotations of the fan that hangs from it. Alec can hear Magnus breathing. He inhales and exhales in a steady and rhythmic fashion. If Alec were being honest with himself, he’d admit to thinking about the day they met more than he should. He can still remember every detail of it like it was yesterday. What Magnus was wearing. How he looked as he defended himself against a Circle member. They are stamps on his brain, moments in time Alec could never possibly forget. Because everything is better with Magnus. Magnus makes Alec better. 

Before him, Alec was fine. He got by, doing what he had to do, as a soldier, a son. As a brother. The duties associated with those titles were more important than his own happiness. But he wasn’t happy. Far from it. All of this time later and it feels like a different lifetime between who he was back then and who he is free to be now. He feels like a new person, like the person he was always meant to be. He feels like Alec. The weight of the world is no longer on his shoulders. Finally, there is air in his lungs that doesn’t hurt to breath. He’s allowed to love who he wants and doesn’t have to explain why it to anyone. 

And Alec loves Magnus. He really loves Magnus, more than he ever thought possible. 

He is the dream Alec never thought he could have, the partner he never thought he’d find. In the Shadow world, nothing is simple or easy or sure. But, away from all of that, Alec is sure of this. Magnus is his family. Wherever he is, that is where Alec wants to be. Magnus’ worries and problems and vulnerabilities are his own. Magnus is the anchor that keeps Alec close to shore. 

“Alexander?” Unexpectedly, Magnus mumbles his name. Alec turns to face him. Magnus still hasn’t opened his eyes. He’s not even really awake. "You’re never going to fall asleep doing all that thinking.” Alec doesn’t miss the way one side of his mouth lifts in his cheek. 

Maybe it was always meant to be like this. Maybe the two of them were always supposed to end up together, to fall in love, to share this life they have. Maybe, no matter how much the universe or fate tried to intervene, Magnus and Alec would always find each other. They would always come back to one another.


End file.
